I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
