my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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