I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
