I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We have started to decorate penises.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
