fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
