i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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