my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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