Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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