I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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