she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
