I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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