Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
