i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
