I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
