she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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