JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
