i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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