so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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