True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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