her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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