we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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