Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
