youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
