my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
