I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
