I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yo dont text me then not text me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
