Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
