Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
