I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
