Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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