4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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