therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
