if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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