I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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