What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
