Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
