note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
