I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She even gives head with a lisp.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
