I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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