My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
