god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
why is half of my head shaved?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
