when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
