On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
