id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
