I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dick very happy bro
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
