you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
