the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
