His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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