why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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