apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
