this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Mom said you looked used
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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