y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
