The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
