I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
should my penis look like a turkey
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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