glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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