Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
