She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
