Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
