i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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