hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
