i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
