I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
