Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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