I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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