I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
