I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
