I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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