Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
